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I figured out that if I keep it up, someday I’ll probably get wise enough to be silly in public but I probably won’t wait that long. from the wonderful story people

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me 
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.  Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 
Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

LOGAN THE SKY ANGEL

I was in court a few years ago and the case i was to listen to was cancelled. A kind judge took the time to tell everyone his past experiences for Women. He said to always trust your instinct. Almost every trial he had ever listened to a woman would tell him things just did not feel right but she felt silly in her feelings. Trust your instinct and stop the worry over feeling silly. It could save your life.
Please take the time to read this.
Learn the best way to protect yourself.

1. The elbow is the strongest point on your body. When someone threatens you, if they are close enough, use your elbow to stop him (or her.) .

2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you. Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
a. Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.
b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard or policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The chances of hitting a moving target are 4 in 100
times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Pass this on the women you love.

Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian’s mother couldn’t help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian’s roommate, Stephanie, was.

Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious.

Reading his Mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

Brian said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll send her a e-mail just to be sure.” So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother: I’m not saying that you “did” take the gravy ladle from the house, I’m not saying that you “did not” take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother that read: Dear Son: I’m not saying that you “do” sleep with Stephanie, and I’m not saying that you “do not” sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom